Beginning from the End
by Slothislife
Summary: His grin faded, jaw clenching as he burrowed his nose into her neck, taking in her sweet scent as moisture began to leak onto his chest from her eyes. Little sniffles turned to sobs. She cried— a bit for him, but mostly for the other him – for the life of adventuring once led, for the boundless opportunities and wildest sights of the universe that were seemingly lost forever.
1. Chapter 1

The immediate feelings that swept over him were unrelated to the emotional loss of the TARDIS and gaining of Rose Tyler. He felt sick, and unfamiliarly so. As they drove farther and farther away from the beach, a deep nausea seized his body with increasing force; purely human hormones acclimating to the complexity of his brain— his timelord mind and memories. He could distantly hear Jackie prattling on about irrelevant matters in an attempt to clear the awkward air— Rose, creating a barrier of silence between herself and the world. The doctor still managed to have an acute awareness for those around him throughout his new experience of physical discomfort.

In fact, his awareness for one girl in particular increased tremendously. This girl happened to be scrunched next to him in the backseat of an old Jeep, her eyes wide-open with fierceness only comparable to that of when she stared into the heart of the TARDIS. Though he retained the same thoughts and memories, his emotional responses peaked with an unreasonable and unstable pattern due to his new, human body. To earthlings, he had always appeared to be perfectly human— but on the inside his body had fluctuated at an inhuman rate, keeping pace with his timelord mind and keeping the unimportant functions of that body readily in check. He could no longer control his bodily reactions so precisely, could no longer prevent his senses from seizing him completely. He took deep inhalations to calm the nausea within him, and was yet again surprised when the feeling worsened, bright lights popping across his vision, fatigue weighing on his heavy mind.

He recalled her scent to be pleasant the many times he held her in a tight embrace, or laid beside her on the green grass of New New York, blonde locks sprawled out so close to him. But she had a different effect on him now, an uncontrollable effect that shook his testosterone-filled body every scent of her that accidentally processed through his mind, every simple movement that reverberated through the seat. The feeling of her electrifying lips against his back on that beach after endless lifetimes of waiting, the feeling of giving in— oh, it was all so _human. _So brilliant, so fantastic!  
But it all came too quickly, and it overwhelmed him more than he could realize, and the blur of Norwegian scenery darkened before his eyes as he began to lose consciousness, the weight of his body falling onto Rose's shoulder, his touch awakening her from that stupor of depression.

"Mum! There's something wrong with him— for God's sake, stop the car!"

"Well, there's no need to shout, is there? He's just a little tired, is all! Splash a bit of water on 'im and he'll be as good as the other one."

At her last remark Rose paid no attention, but she did bring him out of the Jeep, wetting a washcloth with water from a spare canteen, gently wiping his face in the fresh air. His eyes immediately fluttered open. His condition wasn't serious—simply him becoming accustomed to the conditions of his new body, as he always did. But Rose had no way of knowing, and her eyes glistened with fearful concern.

"I won't lose you, too." The words fell from her lips unconsciously, soft and full of love.

"Rose," he felt all too disoriented, his surroundings familiar yet jumbled within the timeline of his mind, before rushing back in place, "Why are you wiping my forehead? This is no time for face-care! We have an earth to defend!"

She let out an airy laugh, breath shaky with relief, and she just sat there on her knees by the side of the road, looking at him as if for the first time as he sprung to his feet. Regaining his strength and consciousness, he grinned down at her, extending his hand to pull her up. Rose took it and immediately pulled the doctor— or, whoever he was— into a warm embrace, took him into her arms and surrounded him with the love he desperately needed. His grin faded, his jaw clenching as he burrowed his nose into her neck, taking in her sweet scent as moisture began to leak onto his chest from her eyes. Little sniffles turned to sobs. She cried— a bit for him, but mostly for the other him – for the life of adventuring once led, for the boundless opportunities and wildest sights of the universe that were seemingly lost forever. She cried because they were lost and broken. She cried because she hadn't in so long, retaining tears all this time for the sliver of hope that they would be reunited again. She cried because he left her again, after all her pained efforts, after all the pent-up feelings she hoped could be returned— he threw her out like yesterday's trash, like Sarah Jane, except with a clone to keep her company rather than a metal dog. Burrowing her face deeper into him and tightening her hold on that ever-so familiar body, her sobs quieted, deep breaths halting the influx of tears. They were abandoned, but at least they were abandoned together.

From a small distance Jackie Tyler observed them—arms crossed, eyes etched with motherly worry and a tint of anger for the other doctor who left them. But she wore a slight smile, too.  
"Oh, they'll be alright."

Jackie muttered to herself upon the sight of the doctor rubbing her back comfortingly. She could see this man was loads more gentle— and loving— than the other doctor could ever afford to be. Pleased, she turned and reentered the Jeep, awaiting their return.

"What are we going to do, doctor? I mean, without the TARDIS and everything— how will you manage?"

For a moment he was at a loss for words, and the mention of the TARDIS created an uncomfortable lump in his throat as he realized he would never see her again. However, it was a fair trade-off— the universe for Rose Tyler—it was just that he had never known a life outside of time-travel, outside of the TARDIS. His eyes become empty, void of the usual energetic life that filled them, dark like an oncoming storm, before brightening once again.

"We'll do what we've always done, Rose Tyler." He accentuated her name, especially that "la" at the end of her last, all in good humor and usual playfulness. "We'll travel the world as we always have, you and I! We'll go on protecting the earth, and all the stupid, _brilliant _humans that inhabit it!"  
Digging his hands into his pockets, the familiar image of his wide, toothy grin, eyes crinkling, hair blowing chaotically in the Norwegian wind, made her giddy and breathless, and for a moment she felt whole, as if he had never left her at all.

"That is," his words slowed into a more serious preposition, smile lessened but still remained in a hopeful yet knowing expression, "if you want to."

She nearly began to cry again, out of pain or happiness she wasn't sure. But she straightened herself up at the sight of him—so strong, so happy after losing everything, that strength summoned just for her sake. Rose couldn't go on being heartbroken when he gave her that smile. She tugged at the fabric of her jacket so as to straighten it, and cleared her worn throat.

"Well, what are we waiting for, then?" Rose returned the smile; an acceptance of his invitation. "There's no use in wasting time crying, I suppose!"  
Rose grabbed his hand, the doctor's fingers intertwining naturally around hers. They both felt a pleasant tingle in their skin at the long-awaited touch of a loved one, still new and fresh. They jumped into the Jeep with a feeling of excitement, and unsaid love.

"Took you two long enough! I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me, or went and got yourselves kidnapped by aliens. It wouldn't be the first time."

"Oh, quit your whining, mum. We're all here now, aren't we? With Pete and Tony and everything—"

"I know, I know," She interrupted her as the Jeep's engine began to rumble, a genuine smile spreading across her face. "I wouldn't want it any other way. And I mean that, doctor." Jackie looked him dead in the eyes.

"Thank you."

He, now ordinary in his human body, shuffled uncomfortably at the memories concerning the Tyler family. He wanted to apologize— infinite apologies could never be enough to balance the pain he had cause Rose and her mother— and yet, she was thanking him. Jackie Tyler was thanking him, Rose squeezing his hand in silent agreement, after all that time and heartbreak. Humans were brilliant, but he knew this family was the most brilliant of them all. His throat was thick with emotion, and they continued driving in that amiable silence— the doctor unable to properly respond.

The feelings of losing the TARDIS were numbed temporarily as Rose was lulled to sleep by the grey scenery and monotonous sound of tires on the road, her eyes drifting to a soft close as her head fell upon his shoulder, the weight of her clearing his mind of any worry imaginable. For once, they were safe. The feeling was so new and foreign that he could not immediately settle into the idea – but as he did, he grew increasingly comfortable with the thought of growing closer to Rose. Sure, they were already very close— the girl built a canon to break through dimensions, risking shattering the very fabric of time and space itself— all for the sake of finding him! But when he led the life of a timelord, going on infinitely as those around him were destined to leave, there remained a part of him that was unable to be seen, that was sectioned off, sentenced to an infinity of loneliness.

Here, with her warm skin so close to his, he could feel the fence of his feelings being worn away with every breath she released in her sleeping state, increasing his awareness of their closeness. He recalled the nights they would return to the TARDIS after hours of adventure, her human body collapsing on the bed in the room he had given her, worn. Many times he would talk to her as she drifted to sleep; chatted endlessly about what stars and planets and incredible species they would visit next, for the sole purpose of seeing that beautiful smile as she fell asleep, knowing that he was making her happy despite it all. Never would he join her in that bed, partly because his timelord body didn't require such massive amounts of rest, but mostly because the act would imply a relationship that he couldn't afford to give. A relationship that he couldn't afford to lose. A love he couldn't risk experiencing, only for it to be ripped away forever. So he would watch her from a safe distance as she entered that peaceful state, only for a few moments before running off to tinker with the TARDIS, allowing himself to wish that they could stay together in their carefree companionship forever, to wish in vain that he could lay beside her, holding her so tightly that their separation would become impossible.

In the rumbling backseat of the vehicle travelling across Norwegian countryside, a gentle calm swept over the pair, the doctor extending his arm over her shoulder and pulling her so carefully towards him, so as not to wake her. After endless lifetimes of opposition, he allowed himself to breathe her in, to feel her skin, to let himself drift into a comfortable sleep next to his companion.  
As his eyelids became heavy, he muttered a single phrase to the girl beside him, a beginning to their new life, an internal apology for all the times he could not say the simple words:

"I love you, Rose Tyler."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This story is slightly AU, taking place under an understanding that Jackie Tyler never traveled to the other dimension with the others, but instead stayed behind with Pete and Tony, awaiting her daughter's return. The plotline will include an original planet not featured in the show. Please bear with me if you find something to be nonsensical; this is my first multi-chapter fanfiction. Enjoy!  
**  
As they reached the familiar scenery of London, Rose was hit with a disorienting mixture of emotion. She hadn't expected to be coming back to the city for a very long time- at least not in this dimension, and definitely not without the doctor and his TARDIS. When one has the universe at their fingertips, it's hard to transition into the ordinary life of a girl in London, even with Torchwood and the wondrous technology that it contained. Rose observed the bustling crowds with a feeling comparable to the grey overcast above them, their journey home near its close.

"Won't be long till we're traveling the stars again, Rose. You and I. "

The doctor muttered soft words into her ear, his warm breath sending a shock of delight and surprise through her body. She swallowed the energetic heartbeat leaping in her throat, responding simply, words hushed as the world of London suddenly ceased to exist:

"How?" She felt that excitement again, the same she felt when he smiled down at her on the beach. Her eyes widening to show the honey brown color, sparks of gold illuminated the iris like the brilliance of the TARDIS core.

"I don't know," he said happily. "but I do know one thing. I believe in you, Rose. And I believe in us. And I know that we can do anything we set our minds to- anything in this blasted universe!"

Before Rose could respond, the car came to a gradual stop- Jackie's voice breaking their eye contact, an almost impenetrable gaze.

"We're finally home- an exhausting drive, that was! Oh, I can't wait to see Pete and Tony. Bet they can't go a day without me, my boys. Oi, what are you two chattering on about back there?"

"Nothin', mum. Hold on; I'll help you with your bags. How much stuff did you need to bring? Planned on moving to Norway?

"Well, how was I supposed to know how long you'd be? Figured I'd better be prepared for anything. Pete borrowed me an alien weapon- a gun of some sort- right in that black bag there."

"Borrowed!" Rose scoffed, her lips widening in her toothy smile, knowing that Pete would never lend Jackie classified technology so easily. "You liar. More like stolen."

"Same difference!" Jackie returned the smile. Inside, she was incredibly relieved. Her Rose, her only daughter, was home safe now, and there wouldn't be anymore space-cannons- or whatever they were- to get herself killed in.

Rose opened the bag and cautiously lifted its contents— a black weapon with a central tube containing yellow lights, pulsating rhythmically— something she assumed to be a laser gun of sorts. Upon closer inspection she found characters etched onto its bottom, an immediate indicator of its origin.

"It's Kalkaav—"

"Ah, Kalkaavian—"

They both spoke at once, the doctor leaning over Rose's shoulder to inspect the element closer. They began to giggle at the coincidence of recognizing the planet in unison, Rose subconsciously moving even closer into him as they laughed together. The doctor eventually cleared his throat and beamed down at her, eyes glistening with humor.

"You've learned well, Rose." He praised her, unable to hide his pride for her even if he wished to.

"You taught me well, doctor. Besides, I've studied loads of artifacts at Torchwood during the past few years. I had quite a bit of free time on my hands when I wasn't working on the dimension cannon."

"Yes, I suppose so." A mixture of that lingering pride and sadness accumulated in his tone, regretting again that he had left a void in her life despitethe knowledge she gained in the process.

The new house the Tylers had bought was lovely- not so grand as the mansion Pete shared with the other Jackie, but larger than the average London home, and most definitely nicer than the apartment her and Rose once shared. It had a decent sized backyard for Tony, and plenty of space for Pete to work in. In comparison to her parallel-universe self, this Jackie learned to appreciate her loved ones the hard way, and had less value for material things- though she still took a liking to them. She was thoroughly satisfied with her life and her family after years of internal anguish and loneliness.  
Rose and Jackie walked up the paved front-steps, heaving luggage from the old Jeep while the doctor lagged behind, inspecting the alien weapon. Jackie rambled on about how bright Tony was for a few moments before looking round her shoulder at the doctor, and lowered her voice to Rose.

"Will he be staying with us, then?"

"Well, we can't just throw him out in the streets, mum. Can't he stay on the sofa till we find a place for him?" Rose cringed at the sound of her words; she felt as if she were talking about a stray cat.

"No, no, no—not on my new sofa he won't! He'll have to sleep in your room, Rose. You bed's big enough for two."  
There was a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a hint of something more in her tone that dug under Rose's skin. Her cheeks warmed and reddened.

"I—he—we're not like that, okay? We're not going to share a bed. Drop it."

"Oh, you're not like that, eh?" She mocked her, enjoying every bit of it. "That's not what it looked like back on the beach when you were sucking off his face—"

"We were caught in the moment!" Rose interjected, huffing hotly, wholly annoyed. Her eyes shifted towards her shuffling feet, and her voice weakened, becoming a little less angry and a little more vulnerable.

"I don't even know who he is, mum. He's not the doctor. He grew out of a _hand_ for christ's sake. A hand! How can I—" her voice broke off, throat caught with emotion. She gripped hair at the roots and ran her fingers so as to calm herself, eyes glistening.

"Well, you listen to me, Rose." Jackie gripped her daughter's shoulders, forcing her to look into her eyes with utmost seriousness. "You've seen stranger things than this in all the time you've been with him. He went and changed his whole body, his entire face—ears an' all— and you still loved him. I don't care if the doctor you want left you; I don't care one bit! Because this one is here, right here with us, with _you, _Rose. And he _loves _you. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he looks at you. And if I can love a Pete from another dimension, you can love the human doctor who grew from a hand."

They could see the doctor bounding up the steps, the alien weapon tucked under his arm, smiling towards the both of them. Rose felt her worries melting away in contemplation of her mother's comforting words, and the image of him _here, _in the same place and time, in the same dimension, just as it used to be.

"Thanks, mum." She whispered in gratitude just before the doctor reached them. Memories of their old days spun through her head, and she knew he retained the same mind and memories, too. There was the possibility that his humanness changed him— but he was still the doctor, the same man she would burst through dimensions for, the same man she'd risk anything to be with. After all, she had changed too. It was inevitable after all that time separated from the doctor. But she was still Rose, and he was still the doctor, and they were still together. Just as it should be.

"Figure anything out about that?" She nodded to the weapon under his arm, to which he held out for them to see.

"Oh, yes! Well, possibly. Not much information yet. I'll have to examine it closer later on when I can talk to Pete. I do know one thing, though." His words flew out quickly, excitedly.

"It's not a gun. It's not any sort of weapon, either."

Rose and Jackie stared at the mystery item with curiosity and confusion—Rose's brows knitted in thought before reaching some sort of enlightenment.

"That makes sense! Kalkaav is known for being a peaceful planet, right? They've communicated with earth before—they're friendly!"

They shared a grin, sharing their excitement in the discovery.

"Right you are, Rose. They're more than friendly, actually. They've never taken part in any wars— civil, interplanetary. Not once, in the history of time!"

"Well, if it's not a gun, then what is it?"

"Now that's a good question." his voice deeper in concentration, thousands of theories swirled about his head, none of which one that could be proven in the little context they were given.

Through the door they burst, the smell of home hitting Jackie with a response of comfort and relief as she rushed around, calling for Pete:

"I'm home, Pete! Where are you? Where's my little Tony? Pete!" Jackie dropped her things, shouting out.

"I hear you, I hear you! We're in the kitchen, Jacks."

"What you doing in there for? Come here already! Rose is home! And she brought the doctor along too."  
He entered the room immediately, Tony sitting on his shoulders, his blonde hair all tousled as he pulled on his father's, grinning with a certain cuteness that only a child his age could manage.

"Nose! Nose!" He pointed at Rose, then clapped his chubby little hands together. "Nose!"

"Nose?" the doctor gave her a wide-eyed look. He snorted, lips curling. "So your name is Nose. I've been deceived all along!"

"Oh, shut up you," she his arm quite playfully, "He meant Rose. Tony has a hard time with his R's, don't you, Tony?" Her voice increased in pitch towards the end of her sentence, cooing. Pete set him down from his shoulders, and he tottered immediately to grasp her legs in a hug, before running to his mother's arms.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again," Pete said softly to Rose. Sure, they hadn't known each other for a majority of their lives, but there was a familial tie that ran deep through the blood and straight through the heart; he felt that connection the first day he met Rose, all dressed up as a server girl just to see him. He didn't understand it at the time, but he knew instantly that she was important.

"Oh, come here, Rose." He drew her into his arms and hugged her tight— parallel world or not, she was still his daughter.

"I couldn't have left you all for too long; you know that." Her words were endearing, though they all knew she was bluffing. "I'd have missed you too much."

As he let her go, he looked at the doctor standing there next to her, but more specifically the object he was holding— an object that had mysteriously gone missing when Jackie left the house.

"I see you've found that, then. I was saving it to show Rose— if she returned, that is. Found off the coast of Europe, confiscated by the UK government, where it cycled through levels till Torchwood received it a couple days ago."

"And _you, _Jackie," He continued, turning sharply to his wife, "I told you not to touch the things I bring from work. It could have been a bomb for all you knew; you could have been blown to bits!"

"But I wasn't. It's not even a weapon." She huffed. "Besides, I want to be able to protect myself if any more Dalek-things try killin' me again with their laser-shooting whisks."

"I'd never let that happen, Jackie," The doctor interjected, his words ringing true. As much as he wouldn't allow Rose to ever be killed, he never wanted to see the pain that she would experience if she lost her mother in such a way. Besides, he'd grown fond of her over the years. She was a funny woman—in moderation.

"Have you collected any information on it then, Pete? Rose and I were able to determine its origin, but not much else. It's a beautiful little thing." He said, enjoying the warmth of it in his hands, illuminated by the yellow lights.

"We analyzed it at the lab. Its energy levels are insanely high, like nothing we've ever seen— but we don't know what it's for. The team figures its energy canister of some sort."

"Ah, so it's a battery! Brilliant! I'd be interested in the data you've collected, if you find time for it."

"There's always time for the doctor, isn't there?" Pete smiled at the irony. "I was hoping that Rose would come back to Torchwood— she really is brilliant there— but I never thought I'd see you two like this. It'll be good to have the experts looking our projects. How long will you be in London, before you're bustling around the universe again?"

The group stared at Pete in silence, dead faced, no one knowing where to begin. Rose had filled Jackie in immediately—on how the doctor nearly regenerated, but survived, and how Donna nearly died, but survived, and how all of these miraculous near-death situations created a hybrid doctor. Simple enough in theory, but in reality, no one could find the words, not with the doctor standing there, not with him have to hear that he wasn't the "real" doctor, and that the TARDIS was gone- forever.

"What is it?" Pete turned from face to face, thoroughly confused.

"Well dad," Rose was the first to speak, quite quietly, "It's— it's a bit of a long story."

* * *

They had gone through the night asking various questions— the doctor inquiring what Pete and Jackie had been up to in the past few years, and they asking him similarly, and there was no surprise when the doctor began telling stories of fantastic planets visited and wondrous beings he met in the process. Rose was enamored with the way he spoke so charismatically— he made everything sound magical, even when he was speaking of nearly being eaten by a large, lizard-like alien.

Eventually Pete and Jackie left the room to tuck Tony in, reading him bedtime stories before retiring themselves. Tony cried; he wanted to hear more of the doctor's stories.

"I'm sure you two can handle yourselves. Right, Rose?" She left them alone with a single wink.

"What was that about?" he laughed, his eyes widening at rose. "That woman is terrifying!"

"Yeah, she is." Rose agreed, groaning. "Oh, you don't know the half of it!"

At this they giggled a bit until the doctor began to yawn, and stretch this way and that, before lying himself comfortably on the Tyler's living room sofa.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, Rose, as I'm part human now, the physical strain on my body takes a larger percentage of my overall energy which I regenerate by…" his eyes drifted, words slurring. "Slee…ping."  


"Doctor!" Rose lept from her chair, startling him instantly from his drowsy state. "Don't you think we should see the world, get out and breathe in the fresh air— the world is our oyster, sleep is for the weak, and all that?" she said loudly, trying to awake him, so that she could somehow manage to avoid her mother's confrontation the next morning.

"Did I say that?" he mumbled, following her only partially. "Well, I was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Dead wrong."

"In fact," the doctor continued, his mind obviously needing rest, "I'm always wrong, Rose. I pretend I'm right— I say these complicated things to hide…hide…that my entire existence…Is wrong."

"That's not true, doctor; don't say that! You're as right as rain!" she tried in vain to lighten him.

"No no no— I've always been wrong…wrong to you, too. I'm sorry, Rose, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I left you here…all alone…I'm sorry that I couldn't say the words. I'm sorry, Rose— I'm a coward. I've always been a coward."

He let out a sigh of relief, deep like a great bellowing wind that had been contained, howling free. Even as his sleepy mind allowed him to finally apologize, the words could never be adequate, could never express properly his regret for the pain he caused her, the time that could never be regained.

Rose was silent, and he didn't wish to open his eyes— he was a coward again, afraid of what he might see; if he had perhaps hurt her again, or if she dismissed his apology completely, he didn't wish to know.

Instead, she was crossing the room to where he lay so peacefully on the sofa, watching him, just for a moment, as his mumbles grew farther and farther apart, as he fell closer and closer into soft oblivion.

"I know you are, doctor. And I forgive you."

She leaned down slowly, so close to his face that she could feel the warmth radiating from his skin, and placed a soft kiss on his forehead that he felt from far-away dreams, as if he were experiencing the brief touch of a supernova, a glimpse of an incredible spectacle of the universe.  
Rose left and returned to her own bedroom to sleep.

The doctor slept perfectly that night, rest not plagued, for once, by the realities of his nightmarish past. Instead, he dreamed of a funny box floating about the universe and an even funnier man within it— seeking, craving, wanting the sight of a sun's supernova, and the girl whose hand clasped his inseparably beside him to share the view.


End file.
